Charlie's Number One

Look who is one. Who me?

Yes you, my blue-eyed, toe-headed, beautiful boy.
Oh Charlie, I can't begin to express how much I love you and how much you mean to our family. You are just the calm that we needed.
Quick to smile and laugh, patient, tender hearted, full of curiosity, and always jabbering up a storm. You have your dad's looks and temperament and your eyes crinkle just like his when you laugh. You love your brother and follow him worshipfully, trying to keep up, even when he isn't the most gracious of playmates.
A good sleeper, eater, traveler, shopper, and cuddler.
Cautious, content, and in no hurry to walk. Starting to say a few words but why bother when your smile gets you whatever you want.

I sure love you handsome boy. All 30 inches, 23 pounds of you.

A For Effort

Sometimes, ok a lot of times, I hope that at least trying counts in the mothering department. An 'A' for effort kind of philosophy.
Case in point: I thought I would attempt to bring a little of the true Christmas spirit into our home and introduce Jackson to the participants of the nativity scene. With the aide of Fisher Price we named them all; Shepards, wise men, animals, Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus. He lined them all up (of course) and twice through he had them down. At this point I am feeling pretty good, one of those good mom moments. That was until baby Jesus ended up teetering on the roof and then was flung, without regard for the sacred nature of this scene, off the table.
"Yikes!" and full belly laughing ensued. Admittedly, from both of us.
Lest you think he was intentionally blasphemous, all the characters had their turn on the roof and were flung unceremoniously to the ground.
I tried.

A Walk in Our Shoes

Twas the Night Before Christmas
And all through the house
The creatures were stirring
Yes, even the mouse

We tried melatonin
And gave a hot bath
Asleep early for Christmas?
...an unlikely path

The children were finally
All nestled in bed
When visions of Christmas
Ran through my OWN head

Did I get the right gift?
The right color and style?
Would there be a blank stare
Or even, maybe, a smile?

Friends & family come
But they don't understand
The pleasure he gets
Just from bending his hands.

"Just make him stop it," some say
"Just tell him "no",
You must learn to be tough..
"On, and on they do go...

We smile and nod
Because we know deep inside
The debate is moot
Let them all take a side

We know what it's like
To live with the spectrum
The struggles and triumphs
Achievements, regressions….

But what some don't know
And what some don't see
Is the joy that we fee
lOver simplicity.

He said "hello"!
He ate something green!
He looked me in my eyes
He did not cause a scene!

He peed on the potty!
Who cares if he's ten;
He stopped saying the same thing
Again and again!"

Some others don't realize
Just how we can cope
How we bravely hang on
At the end of our rope

But what they don't see
Is the joy we can't hide
When our children with autism
Make the tiniest stride

We may look at others
Without the problems we face
With envy, with wonder,
Or even distaste,

What we want them to know
What's important to see
Is that children with autism
Bring simplicity.

We don't get excited
Over expensive things
We jump for joy
With the progress work brings

Children with autism
Try so hard every day
That they make us proud
More than words can say.

They work even harder
Than you or I
To achieve something small
To reach a star in the sky

So to those who don't get it
Or can't get a clue
Take a walk in our shoes
And I'll assure you…

That even 10 minutes
Into the walk
You'll look at us all
With respect, even shock.

You will realize
What it is we go through
And the next time you see us
I can assure you

That you won't say a thing
You'll be quiet and learn,
Like the years I learned too
When the tables were turned.

C. Waeltermann, 2007

The Knot

on the tie of my wrap-around dress was digging into my back as a drove to work so I undid it at the next light.

Gathered my bag, newsletters, calender, brochures and headed for the door. Without warning I was flung back toward my car and landed on the parking lot. Two elderly ladies "rushed" to my side.
"Oh dearie, are you okay? Your papers are all over. Oh no, you got a run in your hose."

What happened? Who hooked the bungee to my waist when I wasn't looking?

I look back to accuse the culprit and see the tie of my dress stuck in the car door. Oops.

Special

Some Days
I am tired of special schools,
special teachers,
special curriculum,
special schedules,
special vans.

Most Days
I am so grateful for special schools,
special teachers,
special curriculum,
special schedules,
special vans.

The first week of all day preschool has had its ups and downs.

Gratitude

Once a month I go to a support group and no not that kind of support group. This one is elite and not just anyone can join. You have to have a child with autism.
It is a collection of everyday, humble, but amazing women. They are each raising one or more autistic children and they bring a wealth of knowledge and insights. It is two hours of laughing, crying, advising, listening, and validating. As we neared the end of the time each women in turn expressed her gratitude for the various blessings that come from having a child with autism. I was filled with gratitude for my own experiences with Jackson and for the joy of being his mother. Tears welled and I was filled with love and pride for my boy. Just what I needed after the two hour tantrum earlier in the day.
This season especially I am grateful for both of my boys and daily trials and joys that come with being their mom.

The Rules of Courtesy State

that when dropping someone off at their home you should idle in the driveway until they make it safely inside. This is done for a variety of reasons; to insure that the door is not locked, there is not a killer lurking in the bushes, they don't trip, hit their head, and lay unconscious on the step, or in my case have the door nob fall off and find themselves stuck outside soaking wet in their swimming suit and towel in 30 degree weather.

Yep, that was me this morning frantically knocking on the doors then the windows, all the while creeping through the stages of hypothermia. Finally relief came when Mark emerged from his marathon shower to find me chattering and shaking on the front porch.

Let this be a lesson to all you carpoolers and especially you swimming neighbor friends!

At least I will be getting my Klondike merit badge at the next pack meeting.

Preschool

The day of trepidation finally arrived, da da da. First day of preschool. I was a nervous wreck while Jackson remained blissfully clueless that he was about to embark on this new chapter of his young life.
I was prepared for the worst. Crying, yelling, clinging and I thought Jackson might have a hard time too. Well, much to my surprise there were no tears on either side. He did great. He found his name at the table carefully traced each letter saying them out loud J A C K S O N. When, he had finished this menial task he grabbed the sheet next to him and began again D E R E K. What next? Geography? Trig? Bring it on. That's my boy.

Halloween

Remember as a kid running from house to house, begging your parents to go faster, to keep up. Must get more candy. Run, laugh, eat candy, run some more. What could be better? Nothing right? I thought the same until I went trick-or-treating with my own kids. Better, way better. Seeing them/him have so much fun is even better than doing it yourself.
We had a great Halloween.

The kiddos pre trick-or-treating. They have no idea what they are in for.

The fattest little lion on the block.

The joy of realizing that complete strangers give you candy when you go to the door. He invited himself in to more than one home and even played with a few toys if they were interesting enough.

Dancing for joy.


Less dancing, more running.

And finally a rest. Check out that pirate's booty.

And of course some birthday festivities.

Surprise

This year was the big 3-0. I have officially left the life decision making years known as the 20's. Think about it in the span of ten years I decided on a career, chose an eternal companion, bought our first house, started a family, and endured/enjoyed everything that comes along with that. Now is just time to settle in and enjoy the ride, right?
Well, Mark decided to welcome in this new decade with a bang. A surprise party at Classic fun center. He planned it a little early as to ensure that it would be a surprise. So much a surprise in fact, that I showed up to my own party in sweats.


There were all the makings of great party.....sweats, family..

...bowling...

...and of course relay races on the inflatables.

So how do I feel about being 30? Pretty good. In fact, really good. I think there is a certain contentment that comes with a dose of maturity. I have found a wonderful balance of work and family, 10% work 90% family. I love being a mom and wife and find joy in just being with my fam. I feel at home and established in our neighborhood and enjoy being part of a community. In general I just feel good about where I am in life.

That said..

Today I ran into a friend's mom whom I had not seen in quite a while and after talking for a bit she gave me an appraising look and said, "You look good. You are aging very well."

Aging well?! Really? Is that a compliment when you are under 60?

3

Happy Birthday to my sweet boy. We waited, prayed, and waited and prayed some more before you joined our family. I knew your presence would change things, make things better, give us that missing piece in our family. I just had no idea just how much you would teach us and how much I would love you. I feel so blessed to be given the privilege of being your mom. Definitely not worthy, just privileged. The pure, innocent, joy that you exude gives me a daily reminder of the simplicity of life.

I wouldn't change a thing. I love watching you learn and discover in ways contrary to the norm. You amaze me with your love a academics and your ability to learn. Your special spirit will always be a blessing in our home I couldn't be more proud to be your mom. Happy Birthday my boy.

Blissfully unaware that all this fuss is for him.

Forced awareness from dad.

A perfect celebration of the wonderful day three years ago.

Fall Fun

I love fall. Too bad all this autumnal bliss is inevitably followed by winter.

Nice Spare

Over the last few weeks Jackson has been going through various assessments in preparation for preschool. During one particularly long session the speech therapist brought out a bunch of animal figurines and said that she wanted to see how Jackson did with imaginative play.
"See if he will pretend with the animals and have them interact with each other." she said hopefully.
Mark and I just looked at each other like this ought to be good.
Jackson tediously lined up all the animals, putting careful consideration on their placement. When he had them just how he wanted them, he brought his hand back and with one swoop sent them flying. He looked up triumphantly and announced, "Nice spare!"
"What did he say," the therapist asked confused.
Mark and I looked at each other a little embarrassed and I sheepishly said, "Nice spare. Like in bowling. He likes bowling." I finished lamely.
She laughed, "Not quite what I had in mind but I can't argue that it is defiantly imaginative play." and she marked something in her notes.
Thanks Jackson for reminding us once again that it is okay to think outside the box.

Sounds of Fall

My dad and I were talking yesterday about the closing of the elementary in Huntsville, my alma mator, and how it has changed the whole atmosphere of the small town.

It sounds different now. Sitting on the front porch of my great mother's house has lost some of it's familiarity and nostalgia. Gone are the screams of girls being willingly chased and caught by the boys. The shouts of triumph from the conquerors of the tower slide and wailing victims fleeing the onslaught of pine cones from the conquerors. The sounds of comradery from the impromptu soccer and kickball game. All of this set the melodious squeaking of the old iron swing set. The pitch changing depending on the rise or fall of the swing.

They didn't return this fall. I will miss my old school.

It sounds different now.

A TRIing summer

I completed my last tri of the season and it feels a little bitter sweet. Sweet that I no longer feel compelled to get up at an unruly hour to swim, run, or ride. Bitter that I no longer feel compelled to get up at an unruly hour to swim, run, or ride. I could always work toward next year but then that would ruin my long standing reputation of procrastination, so probably not.
Thanks to my camera toting, supply carrying, sideline cheering, number one fan.

Anniversary

A year ago today Mark and I sat on a worn sofa in a small office while Jackson played with the toys in the corner.

"I will write this up formally but I feel that Jackson does have autism....." I don't remember much of what the psychiatrist said after that. Mark held my hand a little tighter as tried to postpone the tears that were building. I looked over at Jackson who continued to play unaware of this fateful pronouncement that would affect the rest his life and ours.

The one year anniversary of an anniversary you never wanted to celebrate. It has been a year of ups, downs, trials, errors, tears, and laughter. Usually all in the same day.

It is hard to put into words the way I feel about my sweet boy and all that we have learned from him. There is something about him that draws people in. You can't help but want to be close to him. When his little body can not hold in his giant spirit, when the radiance of his smile is almost palpable, and when he longs for affection as much as we do, those are the moments you wait for. We wade through the frustration, tantrums, screaming, anxiety, knowing that just when we don't know if we can do it any longer the reprieve comes.

I feel like I have been given a fresh understanding of life. Expectations shifted, goals realigned, tolerance amplified, and a greater love of the small things than I ever thought possible.

We have a long road ahead of us but I can't help marvel at the progress that Jackson has made in the past year, thanks in large part to the wonderful professionals that have worked with him. He is drawn to academics and loves to learn. He has long since mastered letters, numbers, shapes, all the remotes, and is starting to sight read. He speech is coming along and I love hearing his sing-song voice play with his new words.

He is often overwhelmed by crowds, unfamiliar places and people, and finds solace in solitude. It took awhile, but I have learned to join him and not force him to join everyone else, and these are some of my most cherished moments.

He will start preschool in a couple of weeks and I worry. About him, about others, about sending him into the world without his mom's constant protection. But I am also excited to discover his untapped potential in this new environment.

Life keeps going and we are enjoying each new experience.

So, happy anniversary my sweet boy. Love you.

Lab Rat

Last night I headed west on my bike in search of flat roads, farm land, and fresh air. I was thoroughly enjoying my ride with minimal traffic, freshly baled hay, and plowed fields. I was at one with nature. My zen, chi, or whatever you call it was all in balance. Or at least I thought until I realized that my communion with nature was being impeded on, if not overpowered by, technology. Let me paint the picture.

Nature: Beautiful, natural, pure.

Me: Ipod and headphones, heart rate monitor, watch, phone, and bike computer. I was simultaneously monitoring my heart rate, time in each heart rate zone, calories burned, cadence, mileage, time, max speed, average speed, current speed, listening to music and had my phone set on vibrate in case I couldn't here over the music.

I suddenly felt like this guy

Doing this

My balance between man and nature no longer seemed very harmonious and the feeling of zen master was quickly replaced with lab rat.

You know the trepidation you feel when you move into a new neighborhood? It brings back all those insecurities that haven't reared their ugly heads since your first day of school many years ago. Will they like me? Will I make friends? Do they even want a new friend? Will they notice that giant zit that unceremoniously emerged last night?

Well, much to my relief I couldn't have asked for a more perfect friend and neighbor to move across the street from. It was like having the most popular, cutest, nicest, girl come sit by you at lunch on your first day and you know that things are going to be ok.

So, it is with much sadness that I have to say goodbye to this friend who is leaving to join the sun worshipers in Arizona. I started thinking about all the things that I will miss about having her right across the street.

1. Knowing that I can go over literally 24 hours a day and barrow just about anything; jewelry, shoes, shirt, diet coke, zit cream, cleaner, air mattress........you get the idea.


2. Watching our recorded trash TV, eating treats, and nursing down Diet Cokes from Maverick.


3. Having a go-to home decorator with uncanny vision and know-how to transform any room.


4. My personal fashionista that knows where to find anything and find it on sale.


5. Comparing how long it has been since we washed our hair (she always won).


6. Starting and breaking numerous diets together.


7. Late night walks around 'the loop' and talking about life.


8. Knowing that I could tell her anything, I mean ANYTHING, without fear of judgment or embarrassment.


9. Having someone who continuously teaches me the art of laughing at yourself, not taking life too seriously, and taking/making the time have fun with the people you love.


10. Learning by example from someone who continuously strives to be a better person through quiet perseverance and without recognition.

Mel, I will miss you and your freakishly small ankles more than you will know.

Choosing Sides

Today I had to make a decision between protecting our planet's valuable resources and spending valuable time with my son. He won.

I was getting ready this morning in the bathroom when Jackson climbed from the toilet onto the counter, turned on the faucet, and started playing in the water. I almost got him down and told him to go play somewhere else, almost, then changed my mind. We talked about the water, the soap, hot, cold, and when his limited vocabulary was exhausted we started through the alphabet, numbers, names.

All the while the water ran.

He looked at me, really looked at me, wanted to interact, called me mom, smiled, and laughed. The yelling was gone, no crowds, no anxiety, no schedule, just us. These are the moments when the autism is forgotten, when no barriers or worries plague the future and I can cherish these moments with my perfect little boy. These are the moments.

Side note: Charlie unrolled an entire roll of toilet paper during this time and I just threw it away right beside the newspaper. Berkenstock clad, tree huggers will surely be contacting me via recyclable hate mail.

Finally

Race Day....Da Da Da

Before.....


During...


After....

Pretty uneventful huh? Yeah!!! Finally, no blood, no crashes, no bike problems, and stayed on course. The curse is broken.

Drastic Measures

Tonight I used this.....

To clean this.....

Yes, that is none other than the Husky 1500 psi power washer and yes, it was very necessary. The car seat may be it's next victim.

Round 2

I may have to resign myself to the belief that I have the dreaded Race Day Curse. Remember this? Well, yesterday was more of the same. The swim fortunately went off without a hitch and the bike was looking good. I was following a couple of guys who were keeping a good pace and then realized that these fine riders were not in the race and I was off course. Upon realization of this predicament I attempted a U-turn via an all too large curb, then changed my mind, got stuck in my clips, and went down still hooked to my bike. Bruised hip and elbow, bloody knee, but back on course.
This Saturday was supposed to be a good training session for next Saturday's race but instead it left me sore, scraped, and seriously looking into a race day talisman.

If you put on your reading spectacles you may be able to see the bloody mess on my left knee.

I did finish first in my age group and yes the sound you hear is me patting myself on the back.

So Tired

The dog days of summer can be wearing.......

Catch some shut eye where and when you can.

Franklin for Tots

Remember the glory days of the 90's when Mr. Covey was in the height of his career? Everyone from high school students to CEOs where proudly toting their day planners. Life size, handwritten, three ring bound, leather cased, necessities. Oh, the innocent days before palm pilots, blackberries, and iphones, downsized, upgraded, and electronified our schedules.
Well, in an attempt to make bedtime run a little smoother we headed back to basics. I dubbed it Franklin for Tots (patent pending). Nothing fancy, just pictures, lamination, Velcro and a miracle is born. Bedtime routine with no tantrums or protests. In fact, he is more than happy to do anything that appears on the chart. It used to take one of us holding him down and the other brushing his teeth. Now.... "Oh it's on the chart. Sure, brush away, I will just sit here cooperatively and smile."

I am contemplating using this new tool for my own benefit. Do you think I can find a picture of cleaning the blinds or folding laundry? Normal part of bedtime routine, right?

Summer Vacation

What I Did on my Summer Vacation (the first half at least)
by Jackson Drake, transcribed by his mom

This summer has been the best ever! In an attempt to keep me occupied mom and dad have pulled out all the stops. My mom even let me eat chips for breakfast. Holiday or not, bonus!


My dad provided the best seat in the house for the parade. Don't tell him but there is not much hair left back there.


Then we conspired to get mom.

My dad even taught me to golf. He said he is grooming a new golfing buddy cause he is too good for all his current ones.

I even talked dad into being my human tunnel. My mom keeps telling him that he has a farmer tan but he doesn't even have a tractor.

There have been some ups....

Some downs......

but overall it's been a great summer. Here's to an even better second half.