Perspective

These last couple of weeks have been a little trying. Jackson has been having some serious melt-downs/tantrums with no apparent regard for location, audience, or duration. His lack of speech coinciding with pure hysteria makes for some frustrating days for both him and us. I cried, he cried, and I prayed, a lot. I wondered if I was doing something wrong? If something was wrong with him? What more could I be doing to help him? What were other families doing to help their children with autism? How do I muster the time and strength to do more? I selfishly mourned for our struggles and simultaneously felt guilty for not doing more or not knowing what more to do.

In an attempt to seek some diversion I was doing some blog surfing and went to a acquaintance's blog who also has an autistic son. She had written the most beautiful post and it was just what I needed. Here is what she wrote to her son on his birthday.

I have always believed in Him. I listened intently as I was taught of Him but it wasn't until you came into my life that I truly knew Him.
If I had it to do again I wouldn't have asked for the things I did four years ago. We fasted and prayed that you would be cured, that your challenges and imperfections would be taken from you. We wanted you to be what specialists refer to as "typical." Today, my son, you are far from typical. We have cause to celebrate for the things that make you "atypical" are the very things that align you with Him.
You do not seek out the world's approval or acceptance. You see the black and white, the wrong and right of things having no patience for the grey. You are entranced by God's handiwork and move at a pace that is conducive to it. You are offended by the sights, sounds and fast pace of today's society. You are joyful in your adversity. You are spiritually minded. You are different. People are drawn to you, drawn to the spirit that they feel when they are near you. It is His spirit.
So you see why my desires have changed. I wouldn't ask that one miraculous aspect of you be changed or "cured" for that matter. It is me that needs to do the changing. I am the one that will continue to do all I can to align my will with His. He is my mediator, my advocate, my brother. He makes it possible for imperfect me to live with perfect you for eternity.

After reading this, rereading, and shedding a few tears I have tried to adopt a new perspective. What can he teach me? How can I more enjoy who he is? And most importantly I will enjoy every hug, kiss, and laugh.