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Happy Birthday to my sweet boy. We waited, prayed, and waited and prayed some more before you joined our family. I knew your presence would change things, make things better, give us that missing piece in our family. I just had no idea just how much you would teach us and how much I would love you. I feel so blessed to be given the privilege of being your mom. Definitely not worthy, just privileged. The pure, innocent, joy that you exude gives me a daily reminder of the simplicity of life.

I wouldn't change a thing. I love watching you learn and discover in ways contrary to the norm. You amaze me with your love a academics and your ability to learn. Your special spirit will always be a blessing in our home I couldn't be more proud to be your mom. Happy Birthday my boy.

Blissfully unaware that all this fuss is for him.

Forced awareness from dad.

A perfect celebration of the wonderful day three years ago.

Fall Fun

I love fall. Too bad all this autumnal bliss is inevitably followed by winter.

Nice Spare

Over the last few weeks Jackson has been going through various assessments in preparation for preschool. During one particularly long session the speech therapist brought out a bunch of animal figurines and said that she wanted to see how Jackson did with imaginative play.
"See if he will pretend with the animals and have them interact with each other." she said hopefully.
Mark and I just looked at each other like this ought to be good.
Jackson tediously lined up all the animals, putting careful consideration on their placement. When he had them just how he wanted them, he brought his hand back and with one swoop sent them flying. He looked up triumphantly and announced, "Nice spare!"
"What did he say," the therapist asked confused.
Mark and I looked at each other a little embarrassed and I sheepishly said, "Nice spare. Like in bowling. He likes bowling." I finished lamely.
She laughed, "Not quite what I had in mind but I can't argue that it is defiantly imaginative play." and she marked something in her notes.
Thanks Jackson for reminding us once again that it is okay to think outside the box.

Sounds of Fall

My dad and I were talking yesterday about the closing of the elementary in Huntsville, my alma mator, and how it has changed the whole atmosphere of the small town.

It sounds different now. Sitting on the front porch of my great mother's house has lost some of it's familiarity and nostalgia. Gone are the screams of girls being willingly chased and caught by the boys. The shouts of triumph from the conquerors of the tower slide and wailing victims fleeing the onslaught of pine cones from the conquerors. The sounds of comradery from the impromptu soccer and kickball game. All of this set the melodious squeaking of the old iron swing set. The pitch changing depending on the rise or fall of the swing.

They didn't return this fall. I will miss my old school.

It sounds different now.

A TRIing summer

I completed my last tri of the season and it feels a little bitter sweet. Sweet that I no longer feel compelled to get up at an unruly hour to swim, run, or ride. Bitter that I no longer feel compelled to get up at an unruly hour to swim, run, or ride. I could always work toward next year but then that would ruin my long standing reputation of procrastination, so probably not.
Thanks to my camera toting, supply carrying, sideline cheering, number one fan.

Anniversary

A year ago today Mark and I sat on a worn sofa in a small office while Jackson played with the toys in the corner.

"I will write this up formally but I feel that Jackson does have autism....." I don't remember much of what the psychiatrist said after that. Mark held my hand a little tighter as tried to postpone the tears that were building. I looked over at Jackson who continued to play unaware of this fateful pronouncement that would affect the rest his life and ours.

The one year anniversary of an anniversary you never wanted to celebrate. It has been a year of ups, downs, trials, errors, tears, and laughter. Usually all in the same day.

It is hard to put into words the way I feel about my sweet boy and all that we have learned from him. There is something about him that draws people in. You can't help but want to be close to him. When his little body can not hold in his giant spirit, when the radiance of his smile is almost palpable, and when he longs for affection as much as we do, those are the moments you wait for. We wade through the frustration, tantrums, screaming, anxiety, knowing that just when we don't know if we can do it any longer the reprieve comes.

I feel like I have been given a fresh understanding of life. Expectations shifted, goals realigned, tolerance amplified, and a greater love of the small things than I ever thought possible.

We have a long road ahead of us but I can't help marvel at the progress that Jackson has made in the past year, thanks in large part to the wonderful professionals that have worked with him. He is drawn to academics and loves to learn. He has long since mastered letters, numbers, shapes, all the remotes, and is starting to sight read. He speech is coming along and I love hearing his sing-song voice play with his new words.

He is often overwhelmed by crowds, unfamiliar places and people, and finds solace in solitude. It took awhile, but I have learned to join him and not force him to join everyone else, and these are some of my most cherished moments.

He will start preschool in a couple of weeks and I worry. About him, about others, about sending him into the world without his mom's constant protection. But I am also excited to discover his untapped potential in this new environment.

Life keeps going and we are enjoying each new experience.

So, happy anniversary my sweet boy. Love you.

Lab Rat

Last night I headed west on my bike in search of flat roads, farm land, and fresh air. I was thoroughly enjoying my ride with minimal traffic, freshly baled hay, and plowed fields. I was at one with nature. My zen, chi, or whatever you call it was all in balance. Or at least I thought until I realized that my communion with nature was being impeded on, if not overpowered by, technology. Let me paint the picture.

Nature: Beautiful, natural, pure.

Me: Ipod and headphones, heart rate monitor, watch, phone, and bike computer. I was simultaneously monitoring my heart rate, time in each heart rate zone, calories burned, cadence, mileage, time, max speed, average speed, current speed, listening to music and had my phone set on vibrate in case I couldn't here over the music.

I suddenly felt like this guy

Doing this

My balance between man and nature no longer seemed very harmonious and the feeling of zen master was quickly replaced with lab rat.