Beaten

This week I can not beat autism, it has beaten me. I am emotionally and physically drained. I doubt my own ability to give what is needed, to be what is required, and get some sleep in between. The cards seem stacked against me. Then Sunday I heard this...

I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live by the light that I have. -Abraham Lincoln

I don't have to win, just endure. Try, learn, and endure. The reward will be great.

Say What?

If I picture is worth a thousand words than how much is a word worth?

Can you really put a price on the power of the spoken word? Apparently you can, according speech therapists and insurance companies. A nice round number starting with a 4 and ending with 4 zeros. Yep, 4,000 big ones to encourage the tender beginnings of verbal communication for a two year old.

So, here is a big cyber shout out to you, Mr. corporate, pent-house living, pin-stripe wearing, insurance executive. (That's how I imagine him when I am cursing his name and his posterity.) Thanks for luring us into contentment by paying for those first few visits and then denying the next 6 months of visits, just because. Don't worry that you failed to notify us that you were no longer covering treatment. No problem, I actually enjoy paying those premiums every month and then paying for medical expenses out-of-pocket.

You may think that you have won, and you still may in the end, but I am not going down without a fight. We have Lisa on our side. You don't know Lisa? You will. She works in billing and is ready to stick it to The Man so watch out.

Round 2

Bath at 4 am, laundry at 5 am, towels covering the pillows, bowl by the bedside, and Lysol on the dresser. All signs point round 2 of the stomach flu for Jackson. Ugh.
I guess it can't be all bad if it results in dad taking a half day off and playing Play-Doh in your pajamas.

Things are looking up.

Progress

Well, we are into the third week of January, the month of resolutions, and I can say that haven't completely given up on any of my goals. Not completey anyway. I heard the other day that one reason people don't follow through with their resolutions is that they are too ambiguous, unattainable, or unmeasurable.

Like some I have made: Be a better mom. Be more patient. Be more organized. Be a better person in general. Here is the problem. Better than who? Better than what? More patient than I was yesterday or more patient than that really bad day where I had the breakdown (you know those days)? Progress can be hard to measure.

There is one resolution that I made two years ago that has actually yielded some measurable results. I committed to learn to swim. Not just make it from the diving board to the side but really swim. Breathing, pulling, kicking, the whole package.

The first time I went I literally couldn't make it from one side to the other. I had no idea what I was doing. I'm sure I looked like a drowning victim who just happened to be wearing goggles. It was bad. Well, after two years, lessons, and a lot practice progress has been made. I have gone from struggling though one length of the pool to swimming 25oo meters at a time.

So, I may still forget things, lose my patient's, and have bad mom moments but I can swim!

Here is to attainable and measurable goals this year.

Been Thinking

'bout playing soccer again.

Two months ago I endured a high speed collision with a linebacker turned soccer player. Who, I can only assume, in a moment of stupor ran the corner blitz right at my knee resulting in a myriad a swear words in my head and a sprained MCL. Fortunately nothing too major. I have been on the injured reserve with full intentions to return in a couple of weeks but here is my dilemma. Unfortunately, I am no stranger to knee injuries. With 4 knee surgeries under my belt I know all too well the pain, cost, inconvenience, and rehab that come with such occurrences.

I don't necessarily feel too old to play just too old to get hurt. I don't have the benefit of PTO or disability insurance in the mothering department. So, do I stick to the non contact sports like swimming, biking, running, croquet? Do I trade this

For This?

Something to think about.

A Month

Going to try something new and I'm going to call it...
A Month in the Life of Me.
Sounds exciting huh? 4 to 5 posts a week of the all riveting, intimate, details of my fascinating life for an entire month!
Not buying all the hype? Don't blame ya. In actuality it is just a personal challenge to chronicle the mediocrity of daily living, the highs and lows of parenthood, mixed with some ramblings and embarrassments that are sure to come.
Should be fun.

Charlie's Number One

Look who is one. Who me?

Yes you, my blue-eyed, toe-headed, beautiful boy.
Oh Charlie, I can't begin to express how much I love you and how much you mean to our family. You are just the calm that we needed.
Quick to smile and laugh, patient, tender hearted, full of curiosity, and always jabbering up a storm. You have your dad's looks and temperament and your eyes crinkle just like his when you laugh. You love your brother and follow him worshipfully, trying to keep up, even when he isn't the most gracious of playmates.
A good sleeper, eater, traveler, shopper, and cuddler.
Cautious, content, and in no hurry to walk. Starting to say a few words but why bother when your smile gets you whatever you want.

I sure love you handsome boy. All 30 inches, 23 pounds of you.